Farewell

Welp, my time here is about up. And it’s been a busy 2 months, so I don’t want anybody to simply write them off as partying with Mike all day, everyday and not doing any actual work.

Because while I did party with Mike all day, everyday, part of the partying was work. No, I’m not referring to the ice cream Snickers bars or Ralph on the Big, Red Couch. I’m talking about real, bona-fidehahahaha I’m sorry, I couldn’t even type it with a straight face. Let’s just say I’ve got the impression that most of these Sunflower employees don’t know what work is.

Because this was fun, not work. So much so, in fact, that I’m starting to worry about putting it on my resume. I’m afraid someone’s going to find out and say “that’s not work, that’s fun.” And I won’t know what to say. Mike didn’t prepare me for that!

What he did prepare me for was how to handle the crazy bunch over in the art department. Just tell them “have fun and be creative.” They’ll understand.

And how to write for an audience. Maybe most of Sunflower’s customers won’t catch a Lil Jon reference, so maybe I shouldn’t use one in that particular forum. But to those of you who would understand a Lil Jon reference, I say “WHAT?! YEAH! OKAY!” And if you didn’t catch that reference, you were lying to yourself, because that was a Lil Jon reference.

But enough about Lil Jon, if you want to know more about him buy his album (2004’s “Crunk Juice.”) No, I’m almost certain you simply skimmed the Lil Jon paragraph in search of an update on “Bigger and Better.” Patience young padawan.

Mike also taught me that it’s all fun and games until someone loses an “I” (see the 1996 “Transpotting,” 2005 “Munch,” and 2008 “Ron Man” catastrophes).

That was a joke. But the attention to detail I’ve had to exhibit was no joke. No, it was guileless, incontestable datum (“simple, undeniable fact,” but in more smarter words I learned at english collage).

With the help of my cousin, Jared, I boxed up and mailed out (with the help of my uncle twice-removed, Chad) about 150 promotional “poppers” (little toys that “pop” into the air). That’s a lot of boxes. One might call me a professional boxer. One might even go as far as to say I’m the heavyweight champion of boxing. I’m looking at you, Alexander Povetkin.

I’ve also designed (alongside my dad, Bill) many “e-blasts.” These are e-mails that are sent out to our huge customer base, repping our company. I’m sure I could make some joke about “reps” and boxing here, but the boxing arc was so one paragraph ago, and another thing I’ve learned is to be timely. And on time. Nevermind that I get here between 1:15 and 1:45 every work day.

I updated the company e-store (“e” for “electronic,” “store” for “store”) which was a time-consuming and monotonous process. But I kept it fun and interesting by slipping some cuss words here and there in the product descriptions. Good luck finding those Mike!

But back to the “Bigger and Better.” After a summer of trading with some of the strangest characters in Topeka and its surrounding areas, I ended up with a CharBroil propane BBQ package and an HP printer! That’s pretty good I’d say for starting with a $15 Sunflower promotional item. That’s a pretty powerful promotional product, huh? One might even go as far as to say it’s the heavyweight champion of promotional products. I would go as far as to say it’s the heavyweight champion of promotional products, that “Ringy Dingy” retro handset is.

So now I auction off the goods and donate the money to a worthy cause.

All things considered, I just want to say thank you to everyone who’s helped me out along my journey. It’s been fun.

I’ll leave you with one final note. I believe it was the great Western philosopher J.B. Bauersfeld once said, “don’t take any wooden nickels.” Be safe out there folks.

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